A segment on pregnancy that I wrote at 20 weeks…
How To Feel the True Girth Of Your Belly:
1. Go to the beach, set down your towel, lie down on it, sunbathe a bit, now flip over. Oh wait! You can’t lie flat, can you? Here’s an idea: lift your towel, dig a hole the size of your belly and lie back down. There you go!
2. Put on your last remaining pair of jeans that (you think) fit. Walk out of your room and listen as your significant other/friend says “Babe, those don’t look comfortable. I think you should stick to dresses”.
3. Get pumped about surfing, go out with an instructor in the ocean, awkwardly try to lay flat on your board. Now from a flat position, try to reach your right leg through your body, past your belly and lift, all while balancing low on the board. Fall over and listen to your instructor yell “This is your last sport! You’re too pregnant!” Ah that’s too bad. And here you thought you could be so athletic, but alas your girth has proven you wrong.
4. Get on a bike, peddle, then try to do something basic like ride over a bump. Oops! Did you fall? Are strangers asking if you’re okay as you clean the gravel out of your hands and legs? Do you feel like a seven year old learning how to ride a bike for the first time? Looks like the belly has thrown your balance off my dear! (Don’t worry mom, I didn’t fall on my belly and I’m fine, just gravel-y.)