At nearly 29 weeks, I’ve come a long way in my pregnancy (yet still have another three months to go). The entire process has been eye opening to me and taught me a lot about what it is to be human and the beginnings of what it means to be a mother. I’ve been sending updates to my family and friends expressing some of the oddities and wonders of pregnancy and one of these friends suggested I share it on The Fog Line. So here goes…
(Title somewhat borrowed from the great graphic designer Stefan Sagmeister.)
Things I Have Learned In My Pregnancy So Far
• Control Is Overrated. The more pregnant I get, the less predictability and control I have over my life and body. I don’t know how I’ll feel when I wake up (which means planning activities is tough), I don’t understand why fat is developing in non-belly regions where I never battled fattiness before, and I can’t stop my hair from thinning. The process reminds me of the book Tuesdays With Morrie in which Morrie learns to let go as he ages, likening getting older to slowly reverting back into an infant and learning to accept and enjoy the process as much as possible. I’m starting to realize it’s a much more relaxed way to live, letting go and not trying to control everything.
• It’s Okay If the Only Thing Holding Up My Pants Is A Hairband. If it works, go with it! Better than trying to find pregnancy jeans when you’re 5’4″ and half your body is belly.
• The Easiest Way To Get An Ass Is To Get Pregnant. Enough Said.
• I Don’t Like To Follow Rules. I go in hot tubs, I eat raw fish, I have the occasional glass of wine…and guess what?! My doctor said all of this is perfectly fine, he just doesn’t tell most of his patients in case they blame him for their baby being sick (even if it doesn’t apply to any of these things).
• Feeling A Person Moving Inside Your Belly Is Pure Insanity. There’s nothing that compares to it. It’s pretty awesome, especially when you can see your belly move and feel flipping and such. Some people say it’s like having an alien inside of you. I wouldn’t know anything about that, but I can say it’s like having the craziest stomach grumbles of your life.
• People Who Have Obnoxious Kids Should Not Dish Out Unwarranted Parenting Advice. Just saying.
• It’s Best To Just Laugh At Yourself. One day I feel like great, the next like an old lady, hips aching and unable to get out of a chair without momentum. Then there’s the fact that I now say nonsensical things, forget what I’m doing in the middle of an action and am seconds away from being unable to tie my shoes. I went for a run the other week at the gym and as I looked over at my reflection I thought “Humpty Dumpty, that’s who I look like!” You may call this cute, but it’s pretty damn hilarious looking too. In the words of my father, I like to say “Fuck it!” (you have to lift one arm up and flick your hand as you say this for ultimate effect) and smile.
• Yoga Is My Best Friend. One week without it proved that I would be in a lot of pain and discomfort if I hadn’t started taking prenatal classes five months ago. It’s also pretty awesome to be in a room of 20 bellies; it’s taught me the importance of community.
• The Elderly Have It Rough. Pregnancy has awoken me to what it will feel like to be an old achy women with multiple ailments. So tough. Open doors and lift things for the elderly!!
• Just Because I’m Craving A Cupcake Doesn’t Mean I Should Make A Whole Batch For Myself.
• There Is No Such Thing As Too Big Of A Pickle. Regardless of how much room they take up in the fridge.
• Heightened Sensitivities Make For One High-Maintenance Person. I know I’m theatrical, but I’ve never considered myself high-maintenance until now. It kind of sucks to be so sensitive to everything and have so many ailments. Sorry guys. It will be over soon.
• Single Moms Have It Rough. I know I’m not officially a mom yet, but I can’t imagine having to take on all of this without Nick. He’s been wearing many hats these days…masseuse, chef, therapist, personal assistant. And it’s only going to get harder. Props to single moms who do it all solo and props to supportive husbands too!
• I Probably Should Have Chosen A Career In Research. I can’t even tell you how many books, websites, films, tv shows and podcasts about pregnancy, birth and parenting I’ve read and listened to in the last few months. I’m obsessed. It’s as if I think it will actually make me a better parent.
• Pregnancy Is A Ten Month Project. Not nine, no no. Don’t be fooled. 40 weeks people, 40 weeks!
• There Is No Way Pregnancy Brain Is Just A Myth. No way. Unless I’m getting dementia.
• The Best Way To Avoid Revealing Your Baby Name Is To Make One Up. Thanks Mom for the awesome gift of Sonoma Williams.